I will tell you a story that will identify with the expression of anger and the impact of changing it through the environment in which we find ourselves.
I ask you to concentrate strongly and think about how it was in your case, as long as, of course, you are able to remember.
Let us begin…
Two adults tried very hard to have a child, unfortunately they were unsuccessful. The woman couldn’t get pregnant and her and her partner were terribly unhappy about it. After much anticipation, the test finally came out positive. The pregnancy went smoothly, without any risks. After 9 months the woman landed in the treatment room and gave birth to a healthy boy. They decided to call him Krystian.
They were happy, they even jumped with joy. The first few months were very difficult, the boy woke up at night and cried a lot, and his parents, assuming that everything would be normal with time, reacted with exceptional calmness. The boy was getting older and older and his crying remained just as frequent. The parents often said “why are you crying so much, be quiet, calm down at last”, they were simply fed up with the eternal screams.
Something incredible happened, the boy started talking, which meant that he was slowly developing and growing up. His parents waited with hope for a moment of calmness, but it didn’t come. The boy often didn’t fit in and every time he did, he hit the ground with his feet hard, and what did the parents do? They said “you mustn’t do that” This happened several times and Krystian heard the same message each time. Something changed. Eventually Krystian stopped behaving like that and replaced his behaviour with another. Now when something upset the boy he began to scream. He screamed loud and clear, and his parents didn’t like it any more than the previous ones. As before, they reacted negatively to it, this time they said “don’t scream, don’t get upset”. The boy screamed even harder and the parents did not know what to do. After a few more screams from the boy, they told him “stop acting like that, calm down”. The boy finally calmed down. He didn’t stomp his feet again and he didn’t scream.
A few years passed and Krystian was old enough to go to school. Before it started, he got very stressed, but when the first days passed, everything went downhill. He met friends that he liked very much. The ladies seemed very calm and balanced, which made the boy feel good. After a few weeks, the parents received a call from their teacher to come to school. They entered the room terrified and started to talk to the teacher asking why they had to show up. The lady answered as follows:
– “Nothing really happened, but I was very surprised by your son’s behaviour. The boys were playing in a small circle during the break until suddenly one boy came up to Krystian, hitting him on the shoulder and pulling the Toy out of his hand. He started teasing him and running away.”
– “What happened next?” Krystian’s mother asked anxiously.
– “Right here, my surprise, Krystian sat down and started crying, and I approached him to ask what had happened. The boy told me that he was very upset. Then I asked him why he was crying, and his answer explained a lot to me.”
– “Please tell us what Krystian said.”
– “I would prefer if Krystian told you the answer himself.”
The teacher went to get the boy and asked him to say the same thing he told her.
The boy stood up and spoke:
“They told me not to stomp my feet, they told me not to scream. They said don’t shout, stop acting like that. I remember all that. That boy made me very nervous, and I didn’t know what to do, so I started crying.”
After hearing the boy’s words, the parents looked at each other anxiously in their eyes and became silent.
Now you see how messages work over the years? How easy is it to lead a child to be unable to cope with the nervousness and lack of response? Here, parents have contributed to the lack of development of coping with emotions. Maybe it is similar in your case, maybe your reaction to certain situations have deeper roots, think about it. I would like to draw your attention to the lack of correctness of messages. In order to get any positive results, we shouldn’t refer in negative form because our brain doesn’t identify the word “no”, which doesn’t mean it doesn’t encode. The easiest example here will be “Don’t think about the red colour”, which you probably just thought about. This is done by suppressing certain emotions, which results in even greater thinking about them.
We all express our emotions.
All of us
Each of us does it differently, some by screaming, others by hitting.
Some get nervous about controlling themselves and others do the opposite.
After all, it is important to find a moment to react, because if this process does not occur in our body we will be a bunch of nerves, getting more and more looped up. Until finally there will be a moment of explosion.
YELL, STOMP YOUR FOOT AGAINST THE FLOOR, LET YOUR EMOTIONS COME OUT.