You go to a party and you see a whole group of friends. Laughing and greeting each other with enthusiasm, but there is someone else.
In the corner there is a person who is not comfortable and you feel that they do not like you. She is closed within herself, her eyes are filled with mistrust and ungratefulness. You feel that she does not feel comfortable and you stop feeling comfortable yourself. You are influenced by her behaviour because you feel anxiety and judgment. You just feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever wondered why this is happening and where these people come from?
Have you ever wondered why this person affects you in this way?
Have you ever wondered why other people can talk to this person loosely and you can’t do it?
I think we should think about our behaviour towards this person. You enter the room of people who openly greet you, and what do you do?
You reciprocate their enthusiasm by behaving as naturally as possible. No wonder, after all, we reciprocate other people’s emotions. And what about this person who doesn’t show such positive emotions at the start, but is more emotionally secretive? Doesn’t this person like you? If so, how do you know about it? Or is there a chance that by her less open-minded behaviour you can draw conclusions yourself and judge her before you know her better? Maybe this person has the same feelings as you and wonders about the same things as you. Maybe she is also convinced that you don’t like her and you treat her differently from the rest of the people?
Notice that your approach and attitude towards the other person influences her attitude and attitude towards you to a great extent. We all sometimes make mistakes and categorise the other person too quickly, giving them a patch that is very hard to get out of.
Every friend of mine was disliked by me at first. I have no idea where this came from but it always happened when I first met my friends. On the contrary, based on first impressions most of my friends seemed to be conceited and not warm-hearted people, and it was only when I got to know more about them that my opinion changed.
And what does that mean?
We judge and evaluate.
We judge before we know people.
We judge before we think about them.
We judge too early.
We’re judging without reason.
And then we change our mind and begin to understand that the initial assessment was absurd and may not have been valid at all.
What about the person you’re uncomfortable with?
You approach her with a good attitude and talk. Meet her and then decide: Do you want to spend time with her? Or is she not the person you usually get along with?
You always have a choice. No one is forcing you to do anything and you can decide for yourself whether you want to introduce individuals into your life. Wanting to know more about the art of choice I encourage you to read this article:
Start feeling comfortable with people and let them feel comfortable with you. These always go together.