It is often said that childhood has a strong influence on adult life. I fully agree with this statement, but it is worth emphasising that it is not only childhood which has an influence.
Yes, if we were brought up in the face of aggression, we will become the same. If our parents are stoics and confess the ubiquitous peace of mind, there is a very good chance that we will be like that too. What if at a young age we quickly left home and we hung around with older people? What if it was with them that we experienced the most influential moments in our mental development? It would prove that in such a situation, more than the parents, it showed us the world, the environment in which we live.
Now a brief question: Was the environment good?
I would like to give you an example that reflects this phenomenon very nicely. I will use here a social group which will be represented by “dresiarze” and more. I emphasise that this example is not a rule, but quite often a noticeable phenomenon of getting lost in life. The coincidence of names is accidental.
You’re a 13-year-old boy with great cognitive-behavioural skills. Krystian is your name. You have a happy family. You play the piano, you sing, you draw and you’re interested in football. You’re smiley, positive and curious young man. You have a desire to live and you’re always asking questions. In class you meet colleagues, especially one who attracts you in his own way and you want to get to know him better. You delve into his life, so you start to meet his buddies who, at a similar age to yours, spend a lot of time outside the house. You start meeting them in your neighbourhood and one of them offers you a cigarette. As a good boy who’s never smoked, you wonder what to do. The pressure of the surroundings overwhelms you and you decide to accept the cigarette from this new friend. After a while you start to like it because you feel free. Years go by and you get closer and closer. You continue to meet outdoors, but now, in addition to smoking cigarettes, there is alcohol and other substances. You know that every drug is bad in excess, that’s why you try not to overdo it and limit its consumption. Unfortunately, you’re clumsy. Friends call you while you’re away asking you when you’re coming. You, under pressure with the growing desire to smoke and drink, agree and come. You spend every free moment with your friends, and your previous interests and skills in which you could succeed in have been forgotten. A group of friends taught you something different. They taught you the street lifestyle. Drinking on the benches, smoking cigarettes, swearing and even the way you walk and relate to others. You’ve become a “one of the group”. Aggression starts to wake up in you more and more, and you stop dealing with it and give into it because you like it anyway, and maybe even impressed by it to some extent. You don’t feel fear because you are the one people start to be more afraid of. The worst part is that you gave up everything you had. In a way you “rolled down” and started to lose the motivation to do anything. The next few years pass, and you become an adult who works and earns because he has to. Your life has become a constant stagnation, lack of development and you’re aware of this. You feel guilty for your naiveté and you feel frustration because you know perfectly well that you are wasting your years. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it because your destructive habits, learned from the group, have become everyday habits for you, without which you wouldn’t be able to live without now. The moment has finally come when you are so demotivated that you stop wanting to live. You describe life as boring and pointless. You don’t know what to do with yourself, you want to change something, but it’s hard to take your first step forward (…).
. . .
You did it! It’s been two years and you’ve signed up for singing and soccer classes. Surprisingly, you still remembered a lot of old tactics and it was easy to get back to your old form. You still see your friends, but you help them as much as you helped yourself. You still smoke, but less. You continue to drink, but less. You keep swearing, but less. You’re making progress and you’re motivated to further your personal development.”
The environment in which we grow up has a huge impact on us and our future. A young boy, who was ambitious and versatile, fell into the company of guys probably similar to him through his own adrenaline tendencies. Also having a weakness for forbidden things and wanting to feel the taste of fear combined with the variety of life. They all wanted to get out of the routine of everyday life and as a springboard they chose cigarettes and alcohol. I bet that if we took a closer look at each one of them, we could discover the very reason as to why such a desire to be “part of the group” arises.
And you, Cristian?
You got the company that pulled you down. You came into the company of probably great, but toxic friends. You stopped wanting to grow, and they were replaced by wanting to meet and smoke and drink together, but you got out of it. Not fully, but you managed to reconcile one with the other and get out slowly. What did you do that you managed to get back to your old talents and refresh them?
“I said to myself – no more of that. I’ve had enough. I woke up every day with the prospect of going to work, coming home, having dinner and going out to smoke. Same thing every day, every day. I started not even being motivated to do it, so I sat at home for a while after work. I used to sleep. One evening I was dazzled and I found I had had enough. I’m so young and so devastated and so lost. Then I decided that everything would change from day one. I got up and started a new day full of energy that changed my life.”
You feel bored and lost in life?
Would you like to change it?
Or maybe something is blocking you and you can’t?
Only you can block yourself.
It’s your attitude and your head that makes a difference in your life.
Every day is a new beginning.
Every day is good to be born again.
Every day is good to discover the unknown.
Every day is good to change yourself and your life.