You have reached the last part of the course.
This means that you already have a lot of knowledge, both practical and theoretical, about your relationship. Now you will learn the most important aspects.
How do you work on a relationship?
Every relationship, no matter whether with or without problems, needs regular work. If we neglect our relationship even for a short time, we will see a deterioration in our well-being, but also that of our partner. We will become more oversensitive towards each other and pay strong attention to every nuance that we are less comfortable with. It is therefore very important to nurture our relationship.
This is nothing difficult. All you have to do is follow these few sub-points and put them into practice yourself. The moment they become your automatic behavior, you will enjoy a good relationship every day!
For the relationship to get better and better, it is worthwhile to:
- show appreciation
This does not only apply to your partner, although you mainly think of him or her in the context of the relationship. It is important to appreciate your life, your loved ones, and yourself. Appreciate things you never thought about in this context. Appreciate your smile, your work, the nature around you, and the weather! You can appreciate everything if you just focus on it.
Every day before going to bed, ask yourself: what can I be grateful for today, what have I appreciated in my life today?
- show closeness and tenderness
Everyone likes to feel loved and pampered. In long, routine relationships, closeness and the expression of emotions are quite often lacking. We forget what our partner needs and what we want.
Twice a day, say a kind word to your partner to strengthen their spirits. This is to remind you of old times and rebuild old emotions. It is important to have a kind word first thing in the morning as well as at the end of the day.
- talk regularly
Talking is an incredibly important part of a relationship. It’s fair to say that without it, no relationship would exist. If you feel that there is a growing lack of communication in your relationship then it’s time to change that.
Set up a daily time to talk together. This can be at least 15 minutes a day. The conversation must be done in silence (without distractions such as TV, or radio). Try to set a fixed time to talk and be systematic about it. The idea is to make this routine a habit and become a matter of course.
Talking, even though it seems like the simplest form of communication, makes many people embarrassed and confused. Remember to relax as much as possible before talking. After all, it’s all about being nice and pleasant. A lot of people behave unnaturally out of stress. Either they talk too much or, on the contrary, they are practically silent. Manage your stress and try to be yourself. Your partner has come to love you as you are and is still with you by now, and that proves something…
Change is the only constant in our lives, and what’s funny is that we are so afraid of it.
Notice that when you have a problem and you talk about it, you tend to focus on it as well. This may be a little illogical at the moment, but I’ll explain exactly what this is about in a moment.
For example, I have a problem with shyness. It makes it difficult for me to interact with other people.
It is at this stage that you make the first change. You turn your attention to something more non-obvious that you can’t see at first glance. This small nuance makes you see the real problem: it is not shyness at all, it is a secondary issue. The most difficult thing is to find and maintain contact with people. This is what the person in the example cares most about, and he doesn’t say so explicitly.
Think about your problems, write them out on a piece of paper and look for the ‘second bottom’. Find the area where the problem appears and think about what the problem is.
Why is this problem a problem?
In what area of life is it located?
What is important to me that is causing this problem?
In the same way, you can work on your relationship, with your partner. Don’t be afraid of change, because that is what leads to emotion saturation.