“(…)Love is patient,

she’s gracious.

Love is not jealous,

is not looking for applause,

is not a pride(…)” -Hymn about love, 1 letter to the Corinthians

. . .

Love also develops and transforms. Love seeks emotion. Love reaches out to another person. Love overcomes pain and sadness. Love opens our eyes to the world. Love is a force that changes over time, and it all depends on us whether we let it become a healthy change or a change of misfortune.

1) Falling in love

Butterflies in the belly, obsessive thoughts about the other person, constant desire to meet and be close. Here we are talking about the first and the shortest phase of love development, i.e. falling in love. A very large number of people here fall into the trap that this stage serves – it identifies love with true love, which we are not able to rationally determine after such a short time of acquaintance, despite the fact that we feel that we love the other person. A quick sign of love can be a sign of infatuation, short-term, which often happens to lonely people who lack connection and a sense of care. Such people are much more susceptible to falling into a quick relationship evaluation and becoming quickly attached to the other person despite the lack of real feelings. In this phase, passion is at an elevated level, the highest of all stages of love. We are most happy with the novelties at this stage, and after the time they become known, they do not satisfy us that much. We do not feel so much excitement then.

2) The beginnings of love

In this phase, a very large part of the relationship remains stagnant. The illusion that it is good as it is causes the development of love to stop and get stuck at this level of the relationship, which can quickly bring it to an end. At this stage an important component of love develops, thanks to which we feel connection and understanding or intimacy. This phase is also quite short because intimacy and passion are the main reasons for further development of feelings.

3) Full love

Otherwise called complete, this is the mature work of two people by building commitment. A small part of the relationship reaches this stage of love because the strong intimacy and passion is important here, thanks to which we are just beginning to create engagement and it gives us the right motivation to make the relationship, a simple relationship, turn into a more obliging arrangement. This is the most emotional and rewarding phase for partners.

4) Friendly relationship

Here there is a decline in passion and love is mainly based on intimacy and commitment. We are still close, but now we treat ourselves more as friends than as partners. It is important at this stage to maintain these two elements, so that the relationship does not end and there is no emptiness.

5) An empty relationship

This stage is based solely on commitment, devoid of the other components of full love. Behind the maintenance of such a relationship there are practical reasons such as children, habit, fear of loneliness or credit. Many couples are in this phase for years or even for the rest of their lives. An empty relationship can also lead to the breakdown of the relationship, which does not have to be seen as a negative reaction.

Each of us has an influence on the phase of love in which we are in. Each of us decides on our priorities in life. Each of us should know what we expect from our partner and what our partner expects in return. There is only one thing that needs to be emphasised that is very important for a slow change of a partner’s relationship into a friendly one:

Lack of passion.

And what is passion?

These are strong positive and negative emotions that stimulate a person. Desire, longing, jealousy and admiration. They are characterised by excitement towards the other person, the search for physical closeness and the desire to connect with a partner.

If desire and physical closeness are not important, why are they components of passion?

If passion maintains our relationship and represents, in combination with intimacy and commitment, the best phase of love, then why do we go through a phase of a friendly relationship?

If you don’t show your partner physical closeness, how do you want to keep the passion?

Consider this question: What phase of love are you in and why?