Stability in the relationship: when does it come and what to expect from it?

by Psychology0 comments

I want to be with you despite your shortcomings, which I see and accept. I want to be with you because I feel safe and carefree with you. I want to be with you because I know that you’re “the only” person who fills my heart with full, healthy and intimate love. I want to be with you because I love you.







Imagine the situation that you’re looking at your partner and get the impulse to say these words. Are you able to? Will they be in line with your thoughts? If the answer to this questions is negative, it indicates your uncertainty about your partner, which can also be called emotional instability in the relationship. I exclude the option of lack of feeling from the top down because if you feel this way then you should be reading a completely different article:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




So let’s get back to stability.




What is it and how can it be created?


The first thing that comes to my mind is maturity, responsibility and common sense.

I know what I want, I know what I expect now and in the more distant future. I know my own strengths, but I also know my flaws. I am able to listen to the other person and assess his or her views before giving a rash opinion about him or her. I deal with my emotions and try to control them, just like my partner. I try not to make decisions in states of nervousness or excitement. I wait for my emotions to settle down to finally assess the clarity of the situation. My partner knows that I will always listen to him and help him if he needs it. He knows he can count on me. He knows that our relationship is very important to me and I take great care of him so that it never ends. He knows that the feeling between us is growing and developing equally within us.




The short, above description can be identified with the three characteristics mentioned above, which are conducive to stability – let us not confuse it with monotony. Stability is standing on certain ground as well as trust and strong cognition. Understanding each other and knowing each other to such an extent that you can be sure of each other’s feelings. The word stability for many people has a negative meaning because it is associated with routine and monotony, which can lead to self-destruction after a long time.




Now I want you to think about your own reasoning about stability:


We start to do the same thing, the topics get exhausted, the conversations wither, the emotions fall and the life that used to give us so much joy and happiness degrades over time. We reflect on what we do every day and we realise that we are a product of repeated and memorised behaviours. Over and over again. It starts to bother us. And then there is the other person whose behaviour does not change either. Everything becomes grey and our life begins to lack excitement. We don’t have the strength or the will to do anything. Our enthusiasm drops evenly with our partnership. We think about what has happened over the years that our multicoloured life has turned into a closed cage of misery.






And now a different perspective.


We know each other. We know what makes us happy and what makes us sad. We know what we like to do together and also what we do that makes us different and individual. We feel constant development and we are not afraid of it. Everyday is similar, but different. We react differently, we respond differently, we laugh differently, we have different moods and look at others differently. We are aware of what to say and what not to say. We know what can offend and what can satisfy others. We are free from each other. We feel the space and we can rely on each other. Usually we can predict the behaviour of the other person, but sometimes it still surprises us. We feel our presence in heavier and lighter moments, and it gives us wings.


Love is such an interesting force that evolves and develops over the years. We move from stage to stage and it is these stages that testify the dynamics of the relationship. Everything starts with love, which is the strongest dose of emotion, but also the shortest. Then we enter the phase of relationship, disappointment, until we finally build stability and a long-term relationship.




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It is at this very moment, after transitions, crises and quarrels, that we know about ourselves so much that we are able to rationally assess whether or not we want to continue our efforts and actions in this direction. This is the moment of the most important decision, which translates into our further life, and it is after that that we begin to shape our union stability. This stage usually comes after one, two or three years of relationship, and you are able to rationally approach this choice.




You build your relationship.

It is you who decides what it will be based on.

You are the one who sets the conditions for how you will be treated.

You choose your partner.

You’re the one to think about your understanding of stability.





Aneta Sznicer

Aneta Sznicer

Founder of Mood & Read, HR specialist, copywriter, marketer, and soon to be psychologist. I help people achieve their goals by teaching social skills. Personally, I love playing the piano, dancing and singing. Anything to do with music helps me to find myself in reality. If you listen carefully, you will be able to hear your emotions. If you are able to hear them, you will know yourself even better and stronger. Thank you for visiting my website. It is a pleasure to get to know you.

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