Are we just friends or something else?

by Psychology0 comments

“He’s just my friend”– said the girl arguing with her boyfriend

“Your friend? And how many have you had? And how many of them were you in love with?” – said the boy.

“It’s not my fault.”

“You let it happen, you accept it and with your behaviour and lack of compassion you make it happen. It’s your fault.”







We can often see this pattern within relationships frequently. Some people believe in having ‘intimate friends’ while in a relationship, while others believe the opposite. A feeling can be hidden for a long time but one’s other side will unconsciously and naively continue to notice only an innocent friendship. How do you think this occurs? that a person will gradually fall in love with his or her friend, how does this happen? Do you agree with the position of the girl in the above dialogue who claims that it is not her fault that men who were previously her friends fell in love with her? Or do you agree with the position of her partner who claims that she herself allowed this behaviour to occur and to some extent intensified it?




Let’s think about it in more detail.




You have a friend and there is a very good relationship between you. You do not want to lose him, but you know that your partner is not very happy about it. That’s a very important part of the puzzle – you have a partner, and he knows exactly who you are and what you are capable of. You often meet with your friend, and because you are an open person you create a close relationship. You can say in a way that it’s even intimate because you talk to people, especially loved ones, about things important and close to you. About emotional matters. Your friend, just like your partner, is therefore in an intimate relationship with you, which develops over time. Your friend is getting closer to you through the emotional relationship, and you are unaware of the process. After a while you find out that your best friend is starting to feel more about you and claims that both of you would make a great relationship. After all, it’s easy to move from friendship to love. Your partner told you a few months ago that this was going to happen, but you rejected his insights and continued to explore the relationship of friendship.




So what now?




It’s time to distance yourself. You tell your former friend that you can continue to base the relationship on camaraderie because nothing more will happen. You say you’re in a successful relationship and you’re not going to give it up. The friend doesn’t agree with that and your long-standing relationship ends. You stop having contact with each other. You meet a new person and again enter into the same relationship, which ends like the previous one.

Let us pay attention to the behaviour of the described example. Openness and emotionality are important components of human relationships. Each of us has a need to confide, to feel the support and care for the other person. You can get it from your partner, but if this is not the case, we seek from other people. The problem of the person speaking in the above description shows the need for an intense attraction because the emotional intimacy of the partner is not enough for her. She needs very close contact with different people, so she is showing her true self, and the partner cannot forbid her because it makes her realise her own nature. In addition to this, it can lead to what happens to friends of the opposite sex. They become her close companions and in time too close because they start to fall in love with her.

Of course, one must not forget to stress that to some extent it is this person’s fault. Through her lack of distance and boundaries, she creates a close relationship and the people around her do not know what she really wants.





Do you want to have friends of the opposite sex?

Then do not let your partner be jealous of it and make him become like a friend.

Set limits and show only a friendly nature.

Try not to make the other person entertain the thought of further intimacy because it is your behaviour that can lead to this.

And think about the most important thing: Why is your partner not your friend?







Aneta Sznicer

Aneta Sznicer

Founder of Mood & Read, HR specialist, copywriter, marketer, and soon to be psychologist. I help people achieve their goals by teaching social skills. Personally, I love playing the piano, dancing and singing. Anything to do with music helps me to find myself in reality. If you listen carefully, you will be able to hear your emotions. If you are able to hear them, you will know yourself even better and stronger. Thank you for visiting my website. It is a pleasure to get to know you.

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