How to get rid of the monotony in the relationship and renew the “good old days”?

by Psychology0 comments

You’ve been together a year. The relationship is very dynamic and you get to know each other more and more. You feel like talking and being close. Your imagination of the relationship going further continues.





Years go by, and with them your emotions and intimacy go by.





You start to feel strange around this person and the earlier easiness of making contact becomes more and more difficult for you. You don’t know what you can ask about and you start to create a kind of theatre in your head. What does that mean? You prepare sentences, which you will say when you see your partner. You try to adjust them in such a way that the other person is satisfied because you’re worried of them losing their interest.





You enter a routine and your spontaneity has passed with the wind. You worry more and more about the future of your life together and you wonder what to do.





I have a certain solution for you, which can become very useful for all kinds of relationships. It’s a method that was developed by a well-known therapist John Gottman and is called “5 hours”. This method will help you improve many aspects of many different relationships (friendships, romantic and family).







What is it about?




1. 2 to 5 minutes /7x a week


In the morning you wake up next to your partner and enjoy his presence, you are more motivated for an intensive day. You make breakfast and eat it together – this is the right time to learn from each other about the course of the day. You probably know this custom, but do you continue to follow it? Do you spend your time together in the morning? If it has disappeared in your relationship, this is the first, important step that should come back. Perhaps you are not aware of what an important issue this is.




2. 20 minutes/5x a week


Taking time for an evening chat after a long day, it’s important to share your mutual experiences and emotions that have affected you and your partner during that day. Do you remember that time when you were still happy with your relationship? Was the period of 20 minutes long for you then? Of course not. What about now? Ask yourselves if you are still talking in the evenings and asking yourself questions. Are you interested in what your partner was doing? Looking at the long-term effects of a relationship, the curiosity and interest in the other person disappears because it seems to us that we already know everything about this person. As I stressed, this is an illusion. As humans we experience new impressions every day and get to know the world anew, looking from different perspectives, and those closest to us in life should find out about all these things every day and experience these new emotions together with us.




3. 5 minutes / 7x a week


Here I’m going to touch on one of the most important points of this list. It’s about finding space and words to appreciate the other person. Let’s think about what our partner did well today and praise him for it and show our appreciation for him. Let’s throw in a compliment, an innocent compliment that will show that we support our other half emotionally. Let us remember to be sincere when giving compliments. I don’t think any of us like people who are insincere and deceitful. It’s about focusing on the realities of the day and finding things in it that you like about your partner’s behaviour. Let’s pay attention to his attitude, his smile, his spoken words and try to find elements for which we can praise him. Believe me, it will make a significant difference to your relationship.




Why should we praise the other person?

– We remember why we love our partner and realise his value.

– Our partner starts to see what he’s doing well. Even if our praise is sometimes exaggerated, our partner will start to notice what we see in him and associate with these qualities.

– We make the other person aware of his or her qualities.




4. 5 minutes / 7x a week


Physical contact, eye-contact, positive words, hugging, kissing. Is there anyone who doesn’t need it? Is there anyone who doesn’t like hugging? Is there anyone who doesn’t like to hear the word “sweetheart” from their partner? I suppose not. In some cases, after a long period of being together intimacy and closeness fades away. We move away from each other and build a wall that functions as a barrier. We stop feeling the other person’s desire, and yet this is what our relationship used to be based on. We also talk about sex, which is extremely important in a relationship. Think about it: how is it supposed to get closer when there isn’t even a hug? It’s all these aspects combined that makes a relationship more engaging and intimate.




5. 120 minutes/1x a week


Remember the time of your first meetings. You may have went on a date together. Once to a pub, once to a bar or maybe you had a date at home. Notice that every date was planned beforehand. So why don’t we plan a date now? You should spend 2 hours on a date at least once a week. This will create intimacy and you’ll learn to start talking about nothing, about stupidity again; enjoyinf the presence of the other person.




As mentioned, this method is not only about romantic relationships. It can also be used in the upbringing of children and in relations with parents. Each point is worth analysing individually and directing it to the right recipient in an individual way. Let such treatment of the other person become a habit for us, because it will introduce a lot of good emotions into our interpersonal contacts and allow for the development of any relationship.






Let our relationships flourish and not wither.





Aneta Sznicer

Aneta Sznicer

Founder of Mood & Read, HR specialist, copywriter, marketer, and soon to be psychologist. I help people achieve their goals by teaching social skills. Personally, I love playing the piano, dancing and singing. Anything to do with music helps me to find myself in reality. If you listen carefully, you will be able to hear your emotions. If you are able to hear them, you will know yourself even better and stronger. Thank you for visiting my website. It is a pleasure to get to know you.

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