We experience them, one by one. The first one is delicate and balanced, while in the second one we let our emotions get carried away.

This happens almost every day, because the quarrels in relationships are necessary, or rather; they are a very important factor for a healthy relationship because they evoke emotions. It doesn’t matter whether they are positive or negative emotions – it’s important that they just are. We feel the presence of another person and our relationship is alive.

NONSENSE

Some time ago I wondered why during public quarrels among friends or relatives a very large number of people say words to justify their quarrels, and they sound more or less like this: “The quarrels serve us, we quarrel often, but we still feel love for each other. I have thought about these words and deduced that these people describe the quarrels as a link in a relationship that causes and improves feelings. Only now, is it really happening, or is it just a simple excuse for their behaviour that actually affects both sides of the relationship. – I’m for that version. I have never encountered positive emotions in an argument, as the name itself says “we argue” or disagree. And how do we feel when we are wrong? Mostly uncomfortable and disappointed. We feel the same way when we argue. In addition, there is also stress, tension and annoyance about things and words that wouldn’t usually affect or upset us outside the argument.

AND LOVE?

We have forgotten that we do it with people we love. Does that change anything? Of course it does. It changes our image and attitude towards the person we loved before. When we argue, we forget about our love and think in negative colours. We perceive our partner as the evil one; unforgiving and annoying. Anyway, the same thing happens in the other person’s head. All the positive emotions that accompany us every day while thinking about our other half fade away and are replaced by the negative ones. Nobody said that this shouldn’t happen from time to time. After all, it is normal for every person to have a fight sometimes. But this isn’t the point. It’s about the effect of these quarrels on relationships and how often the arguments occur. And the more often they happen, the more toxic the relationship becomes. Positive thoughts and emotions are replaced by negative ones, which in the long run influences our approach and attitude towards the other person.

What if an argument stimulates us?

Every emotion is stimulating, no matter whether it is joy, happiness, satisfaction, excitement or nervousness. If the relationship is based on indifference and the people who build it are not satisfied and feel neutral, then logically the argument can stimulate. But is that what a healthy and developing relationship is about? Think about what caused the quarrel to evoke such emotions in you? Maybe because of a lack of happiness within the relationship or a lack of presence from the partner leading to you feeling neglected. Perhaps a lack of understanding, lack of conversation, or maybe lack of sex and closeness? Often at the very beginning of a relationship people do not quarrel. On the contrary, they are happy and satisfied, saturated with love and desire, and after time everything changes. Emotions fall down, desire disappears and arguments become excessive; the only thing that stimulates the relationship.

Think about just one thing:

What is the point of this?