Let’s take a look at today’s male and female relationships in terms of personality traits.

But before we do that, let’s think about what we are really guided by when choosing the right person to create a relationship. At this point, we won’t determine its health or toxicity, but focus on attracting the other person to us.

We get to know the person, nowadays we have a lot of opportunities to easily start new acquaintances, for example through the Internet, which is a huge database. Thanks to dating portals or other social media we can correspond or even meet live with a new face. We use these options and go on a date; a blind date. According to psychologists, after the first seconds we are able to determine whether we will get along and like the other person, but how is that possible?

Can our first assumption be mistaken? Of course it can.

I agree that appearance, posture, movement and facial expression will tell us a lot about a person, but we of course can make mistakes in every respect. Our intuition makes them too, so no one should be judged before a conversation (yet we usually do). We greet the newly met person and go to a quiet place to talk.

Now the key issue, and a question I ask people to ask themselves honestly:

When you met your current partner, did you feel comfortable with him?

Did you feel a similar flow?

Was the conversation engaging and did you lose track of time?

I bet most of you answered “3x Yes”.

And you know what that means?

You’re similar. It doesn’t matter that you may have different interests: liking different dishes, spending your free time differently. After all, we’re all different. What’s important is the values you hold, the morals you live with and your approach to the world and people around you. These are the ingredients that bear witness to the forming of a person and which I think are most important in a healthy relationship; just to name a few. However, there are also issues of personality types, which we will divide into:

– melancholic

– depressive

– sanguine

– phlegmatist

 Looking at the above division, think about the relationship that a phlegmatist would create with another. One emotional, explosive and active; the other balanced, serious and passive. Think about how such a relationship would work and if you know at least one such extreme case, and if you know it, is it healthy?

Very often I meet people who use the term “we are different” when talking about their partner negatively. I have been wondering for a long time why this happens, much more often, during a negative partner’s assessment, and I have found that it is a system of self-defence. Speaking of differences in such a case, all the bad things go towards the partner, and we deny those qualities at home. I have met many of these types of people and I will give a short example to illustrate this thought.

A few months ago, at a family reunion, I talked to my aunt. Our conversation was about the differences and similarities in relationships. Knowing her relationship with her husband, I took the liberty of saying, “You two are the same, both loud and arguing”. My aunt reacted with an outburst of anger. She answered me: “No! He’s nervous, screaming and brawling. I am calm.”

Ironically! So calm, you just screamed and became aggressive yourself.

Now, back to the previous thread, people say things that are not true. They say the way they see it and it’s their subjective judgment. Do surveys and research on this subject make any sense? Let’s all think together: are we alike in relationships? Answer the question honestly. Aren’t the character traits that annoy us in our partners, that we judge to be different from each other sometimes, also our character traits that we push out of ourselves to idealise our own character?

And suddenly it turns out that differences are our greatest similarities…