Avoid obsessive thinking about past events or those that cannot be changed?

by Psychology0 comments

How often do you think about the past?

How often do you torment yourself with the mistakes you once made?







We are all far from perfect. We are only human and we make mistakes, but they are not worthless stumbles. If we want to, we can learn a lesson from them for the future and beware of making them again. This is one of the advantages of remembering the past. Unfortunately, it must be stressed that such behaviour has more disadvantages than advantages. Most of us remember the past by analyzing our mistakes or wrong decisions and we are tormented by them. We do not sleep because we think. We don’t rest because the noise of wrongly made decisions whirls in our heads. A moment of obsession begins, and we can’t deal with it and we go crazy.




So what do we do to make sure it doesn’t happen?

What can we do to make sure we don’t worry about the past?

What can we do to learn to focus on the present and the future, drawing only conclusions from past events?






1. Be aware of all the factors that are beyond your control.


There are things you can’t change and one of them is your past behaviour. How you acted or reacted a few months ago does not mean that you would behave in the same way now. You learn from your mistakes and draw conclusions from them. That way, you know what’s right and what’s wrong. Remembering your own behaviour and being burdened with constant resentment towards yourself will not bring any positive results. It will lead to depression, sadness and constant negative thoughts. This is just one example of a factor that you have no influence over, and there are many more.




Are you curious what the rest of them are?




Here they are:

– Weather

– Time lapse

– Age

– Historical events

– Pandemics

– Other people’s opinion of you

– Growth

– Death







2. Pay attention to other people who are trying to persuade you to refer to past events.


Consider the following points and think about how often you hear them from your loved ones. Each one of them is an unconscious or conscious attempt to go back to the past with thoughts. Think about whether such terms bring something meaningful or just manipulate us to show the rightness of their questions and emphasise their authority:


“Why did you do that?” – No matter what answer the other personexpects, it will always be wrong. The question is addressed to the past and focuses on the translation, and yet the guilty ones are explaining themselves.

“If you’d take my advice…” – Here is an example of a term that suggests solving the problem. What exactly does that mean? You acted in a way that was consistent with your own beliefs, and the other person suggested another solution. Since your idea has failed, it can be assumed that another solution would be the right one. Remember that you did not listen to the other person’s advice and do not know what they suggested. Maybe you’d do better, or maybe a lot worse?

“Why did you change your mind?” – People will always remind you of what you said. Even if it’s been a few years since you said it. You have the right to change your opinion on any subject. We all change, develop and grow. The same goes for our opinions. So you shouldn’t be uncomfortable with forming a different opinion on a particular subject.




Here are three examples of people manipulating others. How about turning each of them into a message without any tricks of influencing? What would it sound like then?




Below are three equivalents of each of the above examples, devoid of any manipulation:

– “What conclusions will you draw from your actions for the future?”

– “If you have doubts, you can always turn to me.”

– “I find it hard to accept that you have changed.”




You can change your thinking at any time. It’s up to you what you focus on and how you react. Remember that what happened is gone and will never come back. You can only draw conclusions from past events and try to avoid such mistakes in the future. Live in the present, plan the future and strive for the best version of yourself. Your mind can store an incredible amount of memories, but it can also erase the ones you do not want to remember.





You clean your house and your car, what about your head? Maybe it’s time to get cleaning.






Aneta Sznicer

Aneta Sznicer

Founder of Mood & Read, HR specialist, copywriter, marketer, and soon to be psychologist. I help people achieve their goals by teaching social skills. Personally, I love playing the piano, dancing and singing. Anything to do with music helps me to find myself in reality. If you listen carefully, you will be able to hear your emotions. If you are able to hear them, you will know yourself even better and stronger. Thank you for visiting my website. It is a pleasure to get to know you.

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