Have you noticed the diversity of relationships around us?
When I look at relationships, I notice the variability of their nature – for each is based on different aspects of closeness and expression of emotions. Some need touch, others need words, and others need time.
Others want help with the simplest things or small gestures of enduring affection. People search for intimacy throughout their lives and, over the years, discover which way of expressing it they need most. This is why Gary Chapman has described five languages of love, which relate to both expressing and receiving love.
Ask yourself, which language is closest for you to communicate to your partner, and which language are you being gifted with by your partner? Once you have answered the questions posed above, ask yourself if your expectations are in line with reality.
There is silence. You are lying together, cuddling, feeling each other’s presence and touch. It brings you closer to each other and you feel happy. You feel complete, and full of your love, and words expressed in such moments have no meaning for you.
It is your passion that turns into unspoken words.
What matters to you is just being together and the joining of your bodies. This is one of the most common and sought-after love languages, which proves its relevance. It can therefore be concluded that for a very large proportion of people, physical contact is the main postulate of love. It is worth emphasizing that this is not necessarily about sex, but it is an irreplaceable link between people.
It brings people closer, reveals the truth, and attracts them.
It expresses love and shows the closest closeness that can exist. Sex plays a very important role in our relationship and its absence causes remoteness and isolation. We do not expose ourselves to the other person and show our naked bodies. Perhaps this shows our reluctance and lack of self-acceptance. As I mentioned earlier, physical contact does not have to be about sex.
The main idea is to connect and feel close, and how this shows up in a relationship depends on the individual relationship. Everyone’s perception of physicality and closeness is different: for one it will involve cuddling, for another, it will involve kissing, and for yet another, it will involve sex.
I love you. I am crazy about you. I want to spend my whole life with you. Love. Sweetheart.
Who among us doesn’t love to hear words like that? I think we all love it, we feel special and loved then. But do we all need it? Is it an indicator of love for us? Here we should reflect on this, do words mean more to us than actions? Do we need confirmation of love? Or does it involve insecurity about the other person’s affection?
If you answered yes to most or all of these questions, this indicates that words are one of the languages of your love.
You need them and they give you happiness, a sense of closeness. It is words that evoke love in you, that make it deep and true. Words represent validity in you and the power of their meaning. They affirm your feelings and put you in a state of calm and nostalgia. They symbolize your love.
You are together. You walk in the park, in the woods, play a game, talk, hug, and cook.
It doesn’t matter what you do, the important thing is that you are together.
You do activities together and it brings you closer together. You make time for each other. It is not a question of too much time, but the intensity and quality of it. Sometimes less is more. You can watch a TV series together and devote a few hours to it, but is it a worthwhile use of your time?
You are together, but do you feel the attention? Do you feel that the time was dedicated to you? This love language is unique in that it does not require a lot of attention. It requires intensity for even short periods, which turns out to be much more bonding than a long presence without sufficient attention.
Gifts. Gifts. Gifts.
Who among us does not like to receive them? And what counts in gifts? Is their price important? Or are relevance and dedication more important? Gifts can show who we are to the other person and what they can do for us, what they can bestow on us.
A gift can be material things, but also a trinket that shows remembrance and constant effort. And a gift that required time and work from the other person? Is it not more appreciated by us?
Here we are talking about selfless help, the willingness to do something for another person. These can be the simplest things, such as helping with everyday chores. A simple unburdening of the other person shows affection. Each of us is aware that as two separate sexes we are different.
Women have, or if they don’t, they should be aware that men need simple messages, to say something directly.
Here I address all women who feel that devotion is their love language:
Tell your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband what your need is and what you expect from him. If you need help and can’t cope with all the responsibilities weighing you down, tell him. By loving you, he will do the right thing.
How do you find out which love language you are using?
Think about your partner’s behavior and try to identify which language he is using. Think about your relationship and pay attention to which moments you feel happiness and certainty of affection. By identifying our partner’s behavior, it will be easier to identify our own love language, as it is often the same.
If we match what we get, we behave towards the other person in the same way, through our feelings of fulfillment. If we don’t like what we get, we feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied with our relationship. Often we behave towards the other person as we would like to be treated ourselves, and our partner does not feel our endearment because our love languages are different.
Here is a rather good piece of advice for people whose partner’s love language does not suit them. Try to behave towards the other person in the same way that he or she behaves towards you, even though you are not happy with it yourself.
There is a very high probability that this is her love language, with which she is trying unsuccessfully to please you. By pleasing her and showing understanding, your relationship will overcome difficult moments, and then you will be able to talk to your other half and reach out to her, paying attention to the language that is not suitably adapted to you, which may change.
The language of our love can originate from our parents because, having grown up around them, we transfer their behavior to ourselves, and, want or not, we unconsciously behave similarly towards our partner. It is very likely that we have transferred their love language into our relationship, but is it suited and appropriate for our other half?
This is where we have to figure out the solution to this conundrum ourselves…